it’s meaningless. what are we here for? life isn’t a fucking journey, it’s a constant fucking battle, a constant search for right and wrong. How can it suddenly be wrong to do the things that make us what we are? if we kill, we are evil. if we save, we are heroes. if we use drugs, we are useless. if we are scholars, we are brilliant. but what am i? i could kill, i could save, i could be useless, i am brilliant. what makes me any different from the murderers? nothing. nothing sets us apart. we are all the same. we are all the same. but we are all murderers. we all kill ourselves searching. we all lose balance and fall face first into the mountainside, stumbling to a halt at the rocky bottom. hell. we’re all searching. we’re all losing. we’re all faceless. i don’t have an identity. i just am. i see, i feel, but i don’t know because i’m afraid. i’m afraid of every single thing. i’m afraid of what i don’t know. we’re here to experience, but how can you experience anything if all you’ve ever felt is numb? i can’t shake this feeling. i’m guilty, i’m angry, i’m useless, i’m a coward, i’m nothing, i’m fucking nothing! i’ll never be anything, why am i trying? why do i try so hard? why am i so lifeless, dull, drained? i’m so young! i’m too young! i’m too young to die! i’m so fucking tired. i’m so fucking tired of pulling my hair out over this. i’m so tired of sleepless nights. i’m so tired of tossing and turning and dreaming of nothing. i’m so tired of never being able to pull myself out of a dream because it’s so exhuberant. i’m so tired of working hard and getting nothing in turn. i’m tired of being lonely, surrounded by people, but still so fucking alone. i’m always so fucking alone. i’m always so fucking alone! i never fail at failing. i never fail at falling. i just want to give up.