I'm sitting here with my shirt over my knees, heart beating over my thoughts. it's so loud. This silence is screaming at me so loudly it makes my ears burn. friends. nothing more. I'm trying so hard not to freak the fuck out. I haven't been alone in so long, I can't do it. sober; alone. IT FUCKING HURTS. I'm just one huge mess. out of control. Confused. Indifferent. I can never explain my thoughts the way I used to. it might be a good thing because I'm not as dark as I was then. I'm in a different place. I'm just not sure yet it it's actually a better place. I did this, I know. chock it up to immaturity, fear, alcohol, hormones, imbalance, loneliness and insecurity? I think these nightmares filled with my demons are starting to show themselves for what they really are. and to be frank, I'm terrified. then again there are 6 billion people in the world? who the fuck are you? who the fuck am I? NOBODY. I intend to change that. someone god please save me from myself. I want love and responsibility I truly do. face your fears? here's to nothing. I have gotten pretty good, sometimes I catch myself believing I'm content or happy. Possibly getting what I want? HA. I've still got hope at least.

You’re everywhere. in everything. References. Thoughts. Memories. This wouldn't be easy. That would be far too convenient. Either way I feel like dying.
I know what I want. I also know I have no chance of having any of it.