I saw you today, for the last time in this world. It was absolutely unbearable, and now I wish i would have never walked up to that casket. You weren't yourself, you were cold, distant, your face was swollen. I would haven't even recognized you; but i could see the peace on your face. And that's the only thing that gave me light, knowing you're out of this fucked up world, and you're were you deserve to be. Everyone's taking it pretty rough, Hunter is in so much pain, he misses you so much, he sat in the corner at the wake last night with his head in his hands sobbing. And you're dad is the strongest man I've ever met, he went around the room consoling everybody, assuring them that you would have been happy to see everyone together, But I'm still not sure what to do with this roller coaster of emotions your death has brought me on, but I think I'm okay. I've excepted that fact that you're gone, but at the same time I'm still hurting not knowing if you hear my prayers, whether or not you know just how much you meant to me, whether you were able to hear my speech today. Maybe one day I'll find the answer to these questions but until then just know I love you with everything I have, Jarrod Lee Howard, you will forever be in my heart and soul, Not a day will go by that I don't look in the sky at think about you.