I had lunch with my Father today, who was in town for "business," but I didn't ask any questions. The usual: "How are you?" "Fine." I avert my eyes because i'm not really "fine" at all. I feel bad for him. He's so clueless that he doesn't know or care to understand why his own daughter, his own flesh and blood doesn't love him anymore. He's missing, never really around I suppose, physically or mentally. You can't love someone who's not there, but perhaps I'm never really there either. I didn't say anything confrontational today though. I'll do what I always do; answer him politely and try to be the daughter he wants me to be, I know I don't really match the bland ideal. There's too much turmoil burning me up for that but I can easily act like the sweet little four year old that he left to rot. I'm humoring him, because the whole situation is too far gone change anything now. I've cried too many bullshit tears to try to patch up the bullshit man that sat in front of me.