The lingering reminder of someone who doesn’t exist. It feels like its been months since you’ve talked to them or seen them. but it still hasn’t been long enough to forget their smell or the constant reminder that they aren’t there. You don’t want them. You don’t need them. but the reminder will not leave. You try to think back to times when they meant nothing, at all. Times you spent with them and felt nothing. The guilt you felt for not feeling the same. Not missing them after they leave. Remember those times. Don’t remember the times they didn’t text back or annoyed you enough to drive you crazy. Don’t remember all the songs that remind you of them. Don’t remember the movies you made out during. Don’t remember how they made you feel. Don’t remember how it felt to never be enough. Remember how much you never wanted them. Remember the other options you let pass you by. That’s the only way you get past these things. You throw them into a box and bury it. You can’t peak inside every so often to check on them. They aren’t checking on you. They’re gone. Then you get that amazing feeling back. The feeling of being content. Basking in your loneliness. No one to keep you up at night. No one to text back. No one to make you cry or feel upset. The free feeling of having no attachments. When you have it, you don’t enjoy it nearly as much as you should. You’re always hoping and wishing you’d find someone new. Someone to text. someone to lose sleep over. but sitting where you are now, it sounds like the best feeling ever. waking up, enjoying your day, going to sleep - never worrying about someone who no longer cares. but then you get to a point where you’re afraid you’ll never care again. no one will be interesting or exciting enough to make you fall back into that downward spiral. until they do, and it happens all over again with someone new.