I feel like there is a giant magnet in my chest which is forlornly pulling at an invisible counterpart, just hoping that something will pull back. I feel like my own skin is trying to crawl its way off my body, or something underneath is trying to break though. As if, very soon, I will soar and combust and be filled with an irrevocable calm. I feel like, for the past few years, I’ve just been waiting. Waiting to wake up and realise and know. 

When in reality, I’ve been slowly drowning for a while now; getting heavier and deeper as time goes on, the surface being just out of reach. Once or twice I might see a glimmer of light through the waves but it’s become too nice and quiet down here — safe — that I never try too hard to keep afloat. I just sink deeper into the dark, bottomless pit of silence, loneliness and despair where nobody bothers you and you just wilt away from existence without even trying.