This is hard. I don't even know how to tell you. I want so much for things to be different, but they aren't. I feel like the whole world is embarking on some kind of shit consciousness revolution. While I sit here. We are, collectively and individually, becoming more aware. I'm starting to recognize the hidden consequences of my actions and my choices. I am growing less inclined to live in a state of ignorance and denial. But at this very moment in time I want nothing but ignorance and denial, because I hate this. I feel like somebody is ripping my heart out and throwing it 300 miles away. I feel like everything is changing, and I like it just the way it is.

To me, happiness is not as simple as it may be to others. If I'm genuinely enjoying life at whatever moment, it hardly matters what trouble I face. If I'm not enjoying my life I can be surrounded by all the trappings of wealth and success yet they will not make a shred of difference to my inner experience. Happiness is not just 'a bit more important' than money or power - it is infinitely more important. At this very moment, I should be happy. I have everything going for me, and more. Yet I'm not. I don't exactly know what it is I'm missing.