Sometimes I think about you. But most of the time I don't. I think about how you made me the happiest and most angry person simultaneously. I think scars, and how you will always be in the back of my head. Love is damage. It's damaging. It's dainty and fun in the beginning, but suffocating and deep in the end. I love you was the beginning and ending of everything.

This is hard. I don't even know how to tell you. I want so much for things to be different, but they aren't. I feel like the whole world is embarking on some kind of shit consciousness revolution. While I sit here. We are, collectively and individually, becoming more aware. I'm starting to recognize the hidden consequences of my actions and my choices. I am growing less inclined to live in a state of ignorance and denial. But at this very moment in time I want nothing but ignorance and denial, because I hate this. I feel like somebody is ripping my heart out and throwing it 300 miles away. I feel like everything is changing, and I like it just the way it is.

To me, happiness is not as simple as it may be to others. If I'm genuinely enjoying life at whatever moment, it hardly matters what trouble I face. If I'm not enjoying my life I can be surrounded by all the trappings of wealth and success yet they will not make a shred of difference to my inner experience. Happiness is not just 'a bit more important' than money or power - it is infinitely more important. At this very moment, I should be happy. I have everything going for me, and more. Yet I'm not. I don't exactly know what it is I'm missing.

I believe you. It's scary. You make me calm. You make me confident. You make me loving. You make me love you more everyday.

Hey, lil' mama Who you gonna poison now? Hey, lil' papa Who you gonna run to now? It's been a long time coming, and this house is burning down. Don't know how I ever loved you. I was blind and running into what's in front of me. If I only knew that happy ever after wasn't you. I forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because I deserve peace.